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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25468576">In Romulus</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebluefeelings/pseuds/sciencebluefeelings'>sciencebluefeelings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Past Infidelity, Sparring, Unresolved Sexual Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:14:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25468576</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sciencebluefeelings/pseuds/sciencebluefeelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ambassador Spock assists the <em>Enterprise</em> with a secret operation.</p><p>Written for the <a href="https://twitter.com/ficwip">#ficwip5k</a> challenge!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>James T. Kirk Prime/Leonard "Bones" McCoy Prime/Spock Prime, James T. Kirk/Spock (past), James T. Kirk/Spock Prime, Leonard "Bones" McCoy/Spock</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>#ficwip 5k</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>In Romulus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Spock receives the request to a video call just as he is about to sit down for a belated midday meal. He briefly contemplates ignoring the call, but he is not particularly motivated to eat. Furthermore, the calls that Spock receive these days are few and far in between. There is a high probability that the nature of the call is an urgent one.</p><p>Spock resigns himself to a cooled meal and turns on the vidscreen. "This is Ambassador Selek."</p><p>An unfamiliar but wholly recognizable face grins at him. "Old friend," the young captain says. "It's good to see you."</p><p>Spock's heart stutters. "Captain Kirk. This is most unexpected."</p><p>Jim's smile cannot mask a subtle apprehension. "Is this a bad time for you, Ambassador Spock?"</p><p>"There is no such thing as a moment of inconvenience when it involves you, Jim. Is there something that you require?"</p><p>Jim sighs. "Yeah, actually. Uh." He fidgets, biting his lip. "There's this operation we're involved in right now, and we've hit a dead end. We need to access the Romulan embassy archives without drawing attention to ourselves. There's going to be a week-long conference in five days, and one Romulan diplomat is scheduled to arrive at the conference with his newlywed diplomat husband." </p><p>Spock stares at Jim's embarrassed expression. "Jim," Spock says. "Am I correct to surmise these diplomats do not exist?"</p><p>"I mean, legally they do." If Jim's skin was lighter, Spock is certain a brilliant blush would be coloring the young captain's cheeks. As it is now, he merely looks slightly flushed. "If anyone were to ask, we have the legal paperwork and alibis."</p><p><em> We </em>. "Jim. . . Are you requesting that I act as your fake husband in order to assist you in infiltrating the Romulan Embassy?"</p><p>Jim puts his head down with a groan. "See, I told them this would never work!"</p><p>Spock resists the urge to laugh. "Jim," he says. "I did not reject your request."</p><p>Jim sits back up, his face still averted in apology. "I'm sorry, Ambassador, but our options were limited to begin with. We need someone with basic credentials for diplomacy, and we also need someone who won't be recognized." Jim pauses. "But the most important thing is that we need someone we can trust completely. Someone <em> I </em> can trust. Spock, I need you."</p><p>"I would be pleased to assist you, Captain," Spock says.</p><p>Jim is slack-jawed. "Really?"</p><p>"Certainly."</p><p>"Oh, god - that's perfect, thank you so much." Jim still looks as if he is in a state of disbelief. "If you could be ready for us to pick you up in three hours, that would be great."</p><p>"Very well. I look forward to encountering you again, Jim." Spock holds up his hand in farewell.</p><p>"See you soon, Ambassador." Jim nods once and ends the call. The silence after Jim ends the call reverberates in Spock's ears. Spock sits so long that by the time he remembers he has not touched his food yet, it has gone completely cold.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock is not expecting a lavish welcome when he beams aboard the ship, but there is a palpable dissonance in the air. Jim greets Spock cheerfully, but his attitude is strange and shallow. Spock's younger counterpart also greets Spock, but his posture is stiff.</p><p>Jim looks behind him. "Is McCoy here yet?" Spock internally flinches hearing the young captain refer to the doctor without his familiar nickname.</p><p>"He is on his way," Commander Spock says.</p><p>Sure enough, the doctor slips through the doors and his face softens when he looks at Spock. "Well, I'll be. Good to see you again, Ambassador."</p><p>"I am also pleased to see that you are doing well," Spock says with a smile and ta'al.</p><p>Jim slings an arm over Doctor McCoy's shoulders. "How come you're the only one who gets to be late, Bones?"</p><p>"Fuck off, Jim," the young McCoy snorts. Jim throws his head back with a laugh. Commander Spock has relaxed in their direction. Perhaps Spock is overthinking the tense interaction he had seen.</p><p>The commander and Doctor McCoy talk with Spock briefly, but they must return to their assigned posts. Jim leads Spock down the hallway. "Are you hungry, Ambassador?"</p><p>"I have just eaten, however if you must find sustenance I am content to wait for you."</p><p>"That's alright. Thank you for asking, though." Jim guides Spock to a conference room where they will have some privacy to discuss the next few weeks.</p><p>Spock assesses the young captain. In Spock's universe, he had shared an irreplaceable, precious friendship with his own Jim and Doctor McCoy. Jim had married, but the relationship had ended and Jim realized he found the most contentment in a life free from romantic attachment. Doctor McCoy and Spock remained unmarried, however it was not a secret that it had been Spock's two closest friends assisting him through the passions of pon farr, once every seven years.</p><p>Spock does not know if the relationships of their younger counterparts resemble the unbreakable friendship of his universe, but they appear to be friends from what he can perceive. Spock wonders if he can properly imitate being a loving husband to the echo and reflection of his dear friend all at once.</p><p>"I think we will be okay for the most part, but some strict rules," Jim says. "No kissing. No sharing minds, no melds."</p><p>Spock murmurs in acquiescence.</p><p>"We'll probably have to be on our game from the moment we disembark to the convention center. There's a private hotel, and from what we know of Romulans, they have no qualms putting security cameras everywhere, including the bedrooms and bathrooms."</p><p>For the first time, Spock is hesitant about his choice to help. "We would be required to maintain an act constantly?"</p><p>"Yeah, unfortunately."</p><p>"I see."</p><p>"What about you? Do you have any hard limits? Nicknames? Sex? Kinks?" Jim smirks. "Wanna give the Romulans a show? I'm sure they'd appreciate seeing you tied to our bed. I know I would."</p><p>Spock cannot control his reactions as well as he used to in his younger age. Jim looks startled by Spock's brilliant flushing to the tips of his ears. "Are you alright, Ambassador?"</p><p>Spock wills himself to speak normally. "I cannot think of any concerns at this moment. Perhaps we should establish a system to communicate if our preferences were to change, especially as melding is not an option."</p><p>"That's a good idea." Jim has looked distracted, his hand restless as he plays with his pen. Spock has learned from experience not to push Jim Kirk. Any concerns would eventually be voiced aloud, unable to stay pent up inside him.</p><p>Jim's eyes slide up to Spock's. "Was there ever anything between you and the Kirk of your universe? I saw a little through the meld."</p><p>"We were good friends. I could not ask for a more fulfilling relationship."</p><p>"Then what about you and Bones?"</p><p>"It was distinct from my relationship with Jim Kirk, but no less fulfilling. He was also my very dear friend. Is there any particular reason for your inquiry?"</p><p>Jim shakes his head. "Just curious." He grins. "Do you think we should start sleeping together now?"</p><p>"Whatever you think would be necessary for the effectiveness of our mission, old friend." Spock feigns a soft sigh. "I will say, I did not miss the loud volume of your incessant snoring."</p><p>Jim inhales sharply and chokes out a laugh. "Hell, Spock, that's some savagery towards your not-yet-husband. I'm not that loud, am I?"</p><p>"I am a Vulcan, Jim, I have sensitive hearing." Spock relaxes hearing a familiar, deep laugh from Jim.</p><p>"Sensitive ears," Jim murmurs, hand reaching out to caress the tip of one ear. Spock resists the urge to flinch back, but Jim's lighthearted expression melts and he retracts his hand. "Well, I don't mind winging it, either. It's not like they'd be constantly monitoring us, right? Let's look at the floor layout plans."</p><p>Spock tries to focus, but he cannot dispel the sight of Jim's face as he touched him out of his mind.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock and Jim arrive safely at the conference and find their way to their hotel room. Spock unpacks their suitcases while Jim takes a call outside. Spock can tell by the sound of his voice that he has moved as far away from their room as possible, but it isn't far enough for Spock's sensitive Vulcan hearing. Jim is having trouble regulating his volume as the conversation lengthens.</p><p>"I can handle it, alright? If you don't know anything, how about you fuck off and leave well enough alone?" Spock pauses. The captain's distress is palpable.</p><p>Before Spock can decide how to proceed, Jim returns. His face is soft, and his ring gleams on his finger. "Hey, old man. Wanna get dinner?"</p><p>Spock agrees. "The temperature will get cold tonight. Dress warmly." Jim caresses Spock's hand as he takes the offered jacket, and Spock cannot help blushing.</p><p>They sit next to each other as the waiter comes to serve them. Spock cannot help noticing the distance between him and Jim, and wonders if he should move closer. The food takes a while to arrive, but Jim seems content to look at Spock's face in the meantime. Spock gives Jim a reassuring smile, and Jim blinks.</p><p>Spock is about to question him when their food arrives to interrupt the silence. Spock notices Jim looking longingly at Spock's own dish. He looks up at the waiter and politely asks in Romulan for two smaller serving dishes.</p><p>"What did you say?" The waiter brings the dishes and a serving utensil, and Spock thanks him. Jim watches as Spock scoops a careful portion from both dishes and offers it to Jim. "Oh - thank you." Spock realizes Jim had not shown him his genuine smile up until this point. It shows now, small and delicate at the corners of his soft lips.</p><p>Spock tastes the bold, rich flavors. "The carrots are excellent. Try this." Spock offers a bite to Jim. He looks astonished by the gesture. Spock is unsure if he has made a misstep in some way, but Jim inches his chair closer to Spock and accepts the offered bite. His eyes brighten and Spock leans back, pleased.</p><p>The rest of the dinner is uneventful. They take a detour before going back to their hotel room. It has indeed grown colder since the sun went down, and Spock moves closer to Jim as they walk outside. The street lights illuminate the pathways and roads.</p><p>Jim removes his jacket to drape it over Spock's shoulders. "Jim, it would do no good for you to catch a cold," Spock protests.</p><p>"It's alright, I'm properly fueled by that great meal we just had. I give it four out of five stars."</p><p>"Four? I was under the impression you enjoyed the meal immensely."</p><p>Jim wraps his arm around Spock. "The only thing I can give five out of five stars is you."</p><p>"Jim," Spock chides while laughing.</p><p>Jim's eyes sparkle in the artificial light. "You laugh so pretty, old man."</p><p>Spock's blush returns. "This is a compliment?"</p><p>Jim kisses Spock's cheek. "Sure. Why not." He becomes distant, and silence falls between them. This version of Jim is so much more reserved than the Jim Kirk that Spock had been acquainted with, less prone to boisterous conversation. With each passing hour, Jim says and does things separating him further from the Jim Kirk in Spock's mind.</p><p>Jim grips Spock's hand. "Let's go."</p><p>Spock is shivering when they get back to the hotel, so Jim urges him to shower first. As soon as Spock is finished showering and brushing his teeth, he falls into the hotel bed. He is startled to feel cushioning on one side. He draws back the comforters to find that there are extra blankets carefully spread there. Jim is rifling through the closet. "Vulcans get cold easily, right? Wanted to make sure you didn't wake up in the middle of the night."</p><p>"Thank you, Jim." Spock eases under the covers, reveling in the warmth. When he closes his eyes, he can hear Jim moving in the shower, and he is struck with a pang of nervousness. It has been so long since he shared a bed with someone. His heart is starting to race.</p><p>The bathroom door opens. Seeing Jim's shirtless chest is not helping Spock's rapid heartbeat. Jim sits heavily on the other side of the bed and stretches luxuriously. Spock can't break his gaze away from the smoothness of his back. Jim makes eye contact, and Spock realizes there is a mischievous glint in his gaze. "Something on your mind?"</p><p>Spock turns around and pulls the covers over his head, knowing he is acting nothing like the married man he should be acting as.</p><p>Jim is suddenly under the covers with Spock, a breathless laugh on his lips as he squirms closer. "Captain," Spock protests in a hushed whisper.</p><p>"Mm, kinky, Ambassador. Don't worry, I won't do anything. Unless you want." Spock shakes his head, hoping his smile would be hidden by the darkness under the blankets. Jim's tone becomes distant. "You slept with him."</p><p>"Who?"</p><p>"You know I snore. Did you do this often? With your Jim Kirk?"</p><p>Spock is not pleased with Jim's choice of words. "He was no more mine than you are mine now, Jim."</p><p>Jim remains silent.</p><p>"As to your question, it was only during my times of need when we were in physical union. As part of the Vulcan reproductive cycle, we undergo a time of mating during which has dire consequences if it is not satiated."</p><p>"Oh. I didn't know." Jim doesn't say more after that. Spock listens to his breathing, and then he finds himself waking up to Jim sprawled across the bed, one arm tight over Spock's chest.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Spock and Jim sit together during the opening ceremonies, then Jim joins a group of other diplomats that will be touring the Romulan archives. It is the reason for which they had arrived here in the first place.</p><p>Jim adjusts Spock's pristine robes. "I think we'll be back before dinner. Where will you be?"</p><p>"I will listen to the discussions around the Vulcan-Romulan negotiations, then take my reprieve for the day. I will go to the gym afterwards."</p><p>Jim kisses Spock on the cheek. "See you soon." Spock maintains an aloof posture as Jim leaves, but his mind is preoccupied with worry. Spock is only partially attentive to the discussions for the rest of the day, and when he goes back to the room to change out of his official robes, he is still feeling disquiet.</p><p>Spock changes into loose trousers and a sleeveless top, and he finds his way to the hotel gym. As extensive as it is, it is largely abandoned with faint music playing. Spock takes his time stretching. He bends down and sees movement in the corner of his eye. He turns behind him to see Jim standing there staring at him, also changed into comfortable clothing. Spock blinks. "How long have you been watching?"</p><p>"Not long enough." Jim smirks as Spock blushes. "I'm here to join you."</p><p>"Excellent. I appreciate the availability of a sparring partner."</p><p>Jim's eyes go wide. "Spar. You?"</p><p>"Yes. Stretch properly, husband."</p><p>Jim sits next to Spock. "Just warning you, I won't go easy, old man."</p><p>"I do not expect you to."</p><p>Spock waits until Jim is ready and circling him on the mat. "What are the rules?"</p><p>"The minimal Federation hand to hand fighting rules of competition."</p><p>Jim's expression changes. "That's a broad range of things I can do to you."</p><p>"As I can to you." Spock watches Jim's shuttered expression unfurl, replaced with acute curiosity.</p><p>Jim adjusts his stance and approaches Spock, his weak points well-guarded. Jim is experienced in hand to hand combat, but he hasn't sparred with Spock for decades, doesn't know his own patterns and telltale gives and cues.</p><p>Spock anticipates the cautious jab and uses the momentum to flip Jim backwards onto the mat. The disoriented look in Jim's eyes clear. "I didn't say start yet." Spock laughs, and Jim looks on in awe.</p><p>The scrutiny makes Spock shy. He offers Jim a hand up. "Are you ready now?"</p><p>"Yeah." Jim squares his shoulders, watching Spock with far more scrutiny this time. He's able to stay off the mat longer, dodging Spock's elbow strikes and aiming low thrust kicks of his own, but then he tries punching again and Spock easily flips him over using his own momentum.</p><p>Both are breathing hard at this point. Jim's gaze is bright. "Tired yet, old man?"</p><p>"Hardly. May I remind you, you have yet to pin me to the mat at this point."</p><p>"Well, I'd better fix that, shouldn't I?" Jim allows Spock to help him up before attacking fiercely again. His movements are more unpredictable with great force, but Spock is patient and has the advantage of knowledge. He grapples with Jim as Jim attempts to get his leg behind him to trip him. Spock deftly twists his long legs, and with difficulty, Jim is again underneath him. Jim slaps his hand on the mat and glares up where Spock is pressed to his body. "You don't hold back, do you?"</p><p>Spock's voice is triumphant. "In due time, you will learn how to defeat me. But today is not that day." Spock moves slightly, and his heart in his side stutters when he realizes Jim is hard against his hip.</p><p>Jim's gaze burns into Spock. He may be the one with his back to the floor, but suddenly Spock feels as if he is the one that has been pinned. Spock finds himself averting his gaze as he gets up. Surely it is only the human adrenaline that has brought about the physical reaction.</p><p>"I think I'm done for today," Jim says, casually hiding his erection.</p><p>"As am I." Spock hesitates. Perhaps the young captain would want privacy to handle the situation. "You may return to the room first. I will be there shortly."</p><p>Jim mutters, "Thanks, babe." He quickly exits the gym.</p><p>Spock settles into cool down stretches, trying very hard not to think about Jim's body and lithe muscle and what he would be doing now - and failing. Spock resists the urge to release his frustration on the punching bag in the corner of the room.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jim warms to Spock the day after they spar with each other. It makes Spock realize his actions had been reserved before, full of caution at Spock’s reactions. Jim is affectionate and attentive to Spock's words, and Spock shows his appreciation in return. Jim jokes freely and whenever Spock laughs, he looks absolutely delighted. When they lie in bed, there is no tension between them.</p><p>It is so strange how this young Jim is able to anticipate Spock’s needs. When Jim sets the table, Spock's water is always a perfect lukewarm temperature. The moment Spock thinks the temperature is too cold outside, Jim drapes his coat over Spock's shoulders.</p><p>It culminates into a night when Jim is cooking dinner for them. Spock is distracting Jim with videos of mountain sehlats growing out their winter coat. It makes their hair so dense that the baby sehlats can barely walk. The pups bounce across the screen with frisky hops and Jim is laughing so hard he can barely breathe. His face is absolutely radiant.</p><p>It is at that moment that Spock realizes his attachment for this individual has evolved into something of its own. This individual that teases and challenges and simply cares for Spock - Spock desires him.</p><p>Jim's expression changes seeing Spock staring at him. "What?"</p><p>"Thank you, my dear."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"It brings me great pleasure being with you."</p><p>A shadow passes across Jim's face. "I thought your people can't feel pleasure, silly old man." Jim kisses Spock's ear. "I love you, too."</p><p>Love. The single word causes Spock to fall silent, and he doesn't have many words during the rest of their meal. Thankfully, Jim doesn't seem to notice as they clean up and get ready for bed.</p><p>Spock is unsure what compels him to take action. Perhaps it is his own tension built up over the course of the entire trip. Perhaps it is the sight of Jim sitting in their bed in his usual place, looking conflicted, unsure of himself. Jim's eyes go wide as Spock straddles his legs.</p><p>Spock blushes. "May I touch you?"</p><p>Jim keeps staring. "If you want to. Do you want to?"</p><p>Spock moves his face closer to Jim's wondering if it would convey his sentiment. He stops when his lips are barely brushing Jim's.</p><p>Jim closes the distance, and it breaks the physical barrier between them. Spock groans as they kiss, angling their faces together. Jim rolls on top of Spock and yanks the blankets over their heads, shrouding them in total darkness. "Do you know how much I'd thought about this?" Jim buries his face in Spock's chest, his hand moving between them, under Spock's underwear, brushing the sensitive skin there. "Do you know how much I've wanted you?"</p><p>"Jim," Spock says, his voice trembling.</p><p>"Every time I think about how big this universe is and how insignificant and lost and alone I am, you're there to remind me that's not what matters." Jim's teeth graze over Spock's chin. "I'm so fucking lucky to have you."</p><p>"Yes," Spock says softly. "I feel the same."</p><p>Jim tugs at Spock’s shirt, impatient. "This needs to go, All of this." Spock feels the fabric of clothing, then the fabric of the hotel blankets. Then the overwhelming sensation of only Jim's skin against his, hot and insistent friction.</p><p>"Spock," Jim groans. "Spock, please."</p><p>"Yes," Spock whispers. They move against each other in perfect union, and Jim's messy climax follows quickly after Spock's. He tilts his head into Jim's as Jim presses kisses all over his face. Jim speaks between each kiss with words full of desperation and desire. "I love you so much, Spock. I love you."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>On the last day of the conference, Jim and Spock do not attend the closing ceremonies. They meet the Starfleet authorities aboard the <em>Enterprise</em> in a final briefing. Jim has successfully obtained the Romulan intel that they required. The mission has been completed.</p><p>The meeting is adjourned and the admirals and authorities leave. Jim and Spock are the last to leave the briefing room. Jim points with two fingers. His ring is gone. "You know where the exit is, right? The Starbase we're docked at has direct transport to New Vulcan. It should be easy to find."</p><p>Spock stares.</p><p>"Goodbye, Ambassador." Jim turns to walk away.</p><p>Spock is so startled by the curt dismissal that he calls out after him. "Jim?"</p><p>Jim faces him, and Spock's blood becomes like ice. There is no love in Jim's eyes. "I thought," Spock began, only to stop mid-sentence. What had he thought?</p><p>Jim waits. "What, Ambassador?"</p><p>Spock speaks slowly. "Jim, I find myself not wanting to relinquish you."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>Spock thinks of heated glances on the sparring mat. He thinks of trust and laughter and passions exchanged under the bedsheets. "I desire you, Jim. Do you not feel the same?"</p><p>Jim stares. It looks as if he is looking through Spock, rather than at him. Then Jim laughs. "You thought I was actually in love with you? God, that's kind of pathetic."</p><p>Spock is frozen.</p><p>Jim leans against the metal of the corridor. "I mean, I hardly did anything. Maybe a few things outside the script, but why would you think any of that meant I felt that way? It was just for the mission." He turns and disappears around the corner without another glance.</p><p>Spock's limbs feel numb. He hurts, he has never ached like this before. How could Jim leave so coldly? It was not Jim - not even from what Spock perceived of him compared to the Kirk from his universe before, but what Spock had come to experience as he got to know this human being with his own fears and desires.</p><p>"Spock? Fuck. Are you crying?" Jim is in front of him again with a very different tone of voice. Spock hunches over, trying to hide his face as Jim moves closer. "Wait - Spock. I didn't realize, I didn't mean to -" Jim curbs his babbling and tries to reach out to Spock once more.</p><p>"No," Spock murmurs, pushing Jim away. "Do not touch me. You have done more than enough damage."</p><p>"Spock, we're in the middle of a public facility. Aren't you concerned someone will see?"</p><p>Spock doesn't care. None of it matters. He allows himself to be pulled away to privacy, a remote hallway with an empty room. Jim's hands still hover in front of Spock, reluctant to be drawn away. "Please don't tell Bones I made you cry, oh god. I think he'd murder me and fling my corpse into space."</p><p>"A good portion of me is unopposed to this prospect." Spock keeps rubbing at tears that refuse to stop falling.</p><p>"The younger Spock didn't cry when we broke up," Jim says in a small voice.</p><p>It is the missing piece of the puzzle. Spock should have suspected - the signs were all there. Jim's palpable tension with the commander. How Jim already knew his habits and preferences, how Spock needs extra warmth at night. When Jim had cried out in bed, it had never been Spock’s name he said.</p><p>"I want an explanation," Spock says. "You are not obligated to provide one, but I wish to understand."</p><p>Suddenly Jim is livid. "Why did you tell him?" he demands. "A destiny together that will define us both? You should've kept your mouth shut. Do you know how much we suffered because of each other?"</p><p>Spock is frozen again. Jim's face morphs. "I messed up, Spock. I'm sorry. It - was wrong for me to hurt you because I wanted revenge on him."</p><p>Spock waits. Jim is getting worked up once more. "I mean, we started out alright. But eventually it became a completely passionless relationship. I couldn't help noticing how Spock and Bones got along, and I thought it was just my jealousy, noticing they were spending more time together. Then I found out Spock had been cheating on me with him. I wish he'd just <em>told</em> me, I fucking hated how it ended like that."</p><p>Spock listens with wide eyes. "Does the doctor know?"</p><p>Jim is miserable. "No. I hate that it happened but I don't want to tell him. He's my best friend, and Spock is a great fit with him, unlike me. I don't want either of them to get hurt because Bones learns about it. I know Bones is trying really hard to make things work. I don't want to bring Spock down like that, I don't wanna hurt them both. They're really happy together."</p><p>Silence. Spock turns to leave. "I require time to think."</p><p>"Okay - are you going back to New Vulcan?"</p><p>Spock doesn't answer. He exits and walks blindly through the hallways, already knowing where the guests quarters are located. He finds an unoccupied room and enters, locking the door behind him. He already dreads going to bed alone. Spock finds himself walking into the bathroom and he stares at himself in the mirror. The longer he stares, the whiter his hair seems to get.</p><p>Spock jabs a finger to the button on the replicator.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jim accepts the call to his front door intercom in less than a second. "Spock, is that you?" Spock is startled. It is very early in the morning, he had not expected such a hasty response.</p><p>Jim opens the door and his double take is so exaggerated that Spock nearly thinks he is acting. "<em>Ambassador?</em>" He looks at Spock in horror. "What have you done to your hair?"</p><p>Spock blushes. The hair dye had darkened his hair more effectively than expected. "I will not deny it was rather impulsive." Spock is still unsure if he regrets his decision.</p><p>Jim recovers from his shock. "Come inside," he urges. "Sit down. I'll make us breakfast."</p><p>"Thank you, Jim." Spock sits in the kitchen hesitantly as Jim bustles about, preparing cutting boards and pots. It reminds Spock of the mornings they had spent together before. The only difference is the great disparity in attitudes towards each other. They have returned to regarding each other with caution once more.</p><p>Jim glances at Spock, and seems relieved that Spock is not showing distress or anger. There is also guilt and fascination in his eyes. "Aren't you surprised, Spock? That Commander Spock and Bones are together?"</p><p>Spock hesitates. Jim splutters. "You've slept with him, after all! The Bones in your reality!"</p><p>"Yes," Spock says. "The doctor accommodated me as your counterpart did."</p><p>Jim goes still. "Simultaneously."</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>Spock is confused to see an amused smile tilt the corners of Jim's lips up. "What a life, Ambassador. All the boys wanted a piece of you, huh?"</p><p>Spock cannot help the blush that rises on his cheeks. "I would not classify it as such."</p><p>Jim serves them and sits across from Spock. He squeezes his eyes shut. "I wanted this, Spock. I want you, I'm scared of how much I want it. And I treated it in about the worst way possible. I regret it so much."</p><p>Spock looks at Jim pleadingly. "You are confusing affection for me as lingering desire for my counterpart."</p><p>"No. You're not him, Spock. The last few weeks should've been enough to show me that." Jim holds out his hand. "Let me prove it to you. I'm willing to take things slowly this time, Spock. Because you're worth all of it to me."</p><p>Spock looks at the outstretched hand. He cannot take it yet, but perhaps someday he will be able too. By the look in the young captain's eyes, Spock knows that Jim knows this, too, and is already content to wait.</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Baby sehlats = baby alaskan malamute puppies</p><p> </p><p>Thank you so much for reading! (or reaching the bottom of the page ^^) I appreciate all kudos and any form of comments! especially the ones w emoji spam 💖💖✨✨</p><p>If you enjoyed this story, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22515544">you might enjoy this k/sp circus AU where Kirk is also hiding a secret 👀</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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